Ambassador Autobiography: Before and After (My Body Image Story)

As a boudoir studio, Jezebel VonZephyr has the honor of helping women and hearing their incredible stories. We meet each woman where she’s at in her journey and give her unconditional love and support with the hope that she’ll take a step or two further on her personal journey of growth and self-acceptance. Helping women to step into their light and shine is one of the things we love doing the most! 

As a part of our mission to empower and inspire, each spring we invite a select group of women to become Jezebel Brand Ambassadors and share their stories of growth, self-love and acceptance. Each of them has grown throughout their time with Jezebel VonZephyr and every one of them has a unique and powerful story to tell. 

Today we feature an Ambassador who has gone on quite the journey in her life and with her body. We’ll turn this post over to Jody so you can hear all about her struggles and growth! (Please note that there is talk of bullying, childhood abuse, and trauma in this story, so practice self-care if these are triggers for you, lovely reader.) 

Looking Back…

When I felt like I had already dealt with and overcome a lifetime of trauma, then I stepped into Jezebel Vonzephyr Photography Studio. I realized that I still had and will always have work to do on how I view myself and my body image. Trusting someone to take pictures of me when I have hidden from the camera for years did not come easy for me. 

I have been told ALL my life that I am morbidly obese and needed to get healthier. I have been discriminated against, and verbally abused for my weight by doctors, family, strangers, friends, insurance companies, and a lifetime of bullies. 

I have always been comfortable with who I was no matter what life threw at me. I always did my best to be confident and love myself no matter the weight I was. When health problems started showing their ugly face, I knew it was time to act (for my health). 

Starting a New Chapter

In December 2019 I had bariatric sleeve surgery. I have lost 139 pounds since, and almost 5 sizes. I am 19 pounds to my “goal weight”. Mind you, this is a personal goal. 

I am happy where I am right now: pushing myself to make long term health and fitness goals for the rest of my life. I have a newfound confidence. All the health issues that were of concern have all been reversed. 

Even with my new confidence, I still was forced to look hard within myself at the root causes of my existing fears and insecurities. 

I cannot express my gratitude enough for Jezebel Vonzephyr Photography. For calling out my “mean girl” on my first photo shoot last October and diving deep.

Showing me a path to heal the layers of trauma that still lie under the surface.

Learning to accept and love the skin that I am in, and how beautiful I am!

When I was invited into Jezebel Future Belles, I had no clue how much this group would change me from the inside out. 

Bullying, Abuse and Negative Body Feelings

At what age did I start having negative feelings about my body? Well, that would be about the second grade. Playground bullies were not uncommon. 

I had low self-esteem from many influences. There were generations of abuse in our family. Toxic behaviors and language. I do not identify with those past traumas today. Although having to think about these past traumas, I will not lie: many tears have been shed while writing and rewriting my story. 

My parents had me young (age 20). They were alcoholics, addicted to drugs, partiers, in a gang of campers. They did Latchkey parenting. Additionally I had a teacher who was controlling—she dug her nails in my arm and slapped my hands with a yardstick. 

I struggled with and hated the playground bullies. So I helped the front office stacking reams of paper. While bent over one day, the office staff noticed my back and CPS was called because I had cut marks from being spanked. Abusive parenting. 

Many wooden spoons and ping pong paddles were broken over my backside. I was told how worthless I was, how fat I was. I was kicked down the hall, because a piece of paper was on the floor. 

Was I a bad kid? NO! It was for stupid crap. Standing up for myself! I would get teased not just from kids but from drunk and high adults as well. I got hugs with back-handed comments like  “getting thick around the middle”. 

Between drugs, alcohol, verbal/mental abuse, I was finally heard by the judge. At age 12, I moved in with my father. He had his own issues. He did get clean and sober yet had his own parenting issues that he repeated from his history. This part of my story made me a stronger person in many ways, along with many years of counseling and learning to cope with my earlier history. 

Standing Up and Standing Strong

I stood strong! I started a new school. I started to own who I was, and I decided to not be a victim of my past. 

I got into sports as my outlet. Competition helped me get out my anger. 

I found good friends who were there for me. I started working, dating, and working on my confidence, trauma, and body insecurities. 

I found myself, or so I thought. High school was a good time for me. I was in shape; I was finally able to legally not be forced to go to my mom’s house, yet I was able to take my brother and sister whenever I drove up to hang out with them. I went to as many of their school events as I could.

I was able to stand up and walk away from my mom and stepdad when they started in on me. I was able to drive away. It was empowering to not accept abuse. 

I was also learning how to stand up to my own father and confront my issues between him and I. Thankfully he himself was going through CODA. He knew I would have things I needed to deal with that related to him and my relationship. He was right. I wasn’t quite ready when HE was ready to talk about them. Finally at age 24, we were able to sit down and work through our issues. I did this with my stepdad, as well as tried to (unsuccessfully) with my mom. 

Marriage, Love and Learning

I have been married and divorced twice. I’m currently and hopefully forever married to my childhood “next door neighbor boy.” With each chapter of my life, I have grown and learned from relationships. 

With my first marriage, he told me everything I wanted to hear. Ultimately our goals were not the same. I was body shamed, manipulated, and sexually abused. 

My second husband, the father of my kids, was an extreme narcissist who really saw women as what he could get from them. I won’t go into the details of all I had to recover from, as he really deserved prison time for all he put the kids and I through. I couldn’t have been more thankful to leave that toxic relationship. 

Without those experiences though, I wouldn’t be the strong fierce person I am today. I am thankful for my current husband. Every relationship needs work, and I’m thankful he is willing to work on them slowly. It is ALWAYS challenging. 

With each man I have been with, and exposed my body to, there have always been some “issues” that have led to my body insecurities. I am thankful I have learned through time and counseling. These were not always my “issues”, but theirs! 

Owning, Fixing, Moving Forward

Today, I am learning to own what is mine, and fix what I need to. I stand up, and with healthy communication, will not accept gaslighting, scapegoating, or toxic communication. 

I will fix myself; I cannot fix another person. 

The saying “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink it” holds so true for me right now. My current husband was diagnosed with a medical condition that affects every organ. My increased confidence and my pictures brought out his insecurities BIG TIME! We will get through this together. I do not mean that as we navigate these waters together, we won’t be hurt. It’s how we respond to those hurts that matter. I am hoping that someday, he will want to see my pictures. Right now, he doesn’t, I am finally ok with that. I understand now that his reaction are his issues, not mine. 

I did my sessions for myself first. You must do this for yourself, no one else.  My husband struggles with my journey but time, patience and understanding should help with this.

Asking the Hard Questions and Doing the Work

During my Soul2Soul discussion with Tiffany, I was asked some hard questions. I realized there is still a lot of work to do on how I see my body, my relationships, my children, my life, my friends, my past, and my future.

I am thankful to have done the Soul2Soul session! I felt more comfortable in my second session. I have gotten to know and trust that my pictures are going to be STUNNING! 

I was able to let go. And go ALL IN! Conquer my fears! 

My body and soul have changed and grown so much since my first session last October. And it will continue to change. I will do another progress shoot in the future. It has really gotten me to see my true self. 

Working on my art, making new friends, tying many facets of friendships together. I am realizing how important telling our journey is. My life story is not far from so many others.

I believe there isn’t anyone that can’t relate to at least some part. I have learned to step out of my comfort zone.

I am worth it! So are you!

Thank you for allowing me to share. 

Does Jody’s story of resilience and growth resonate with you? We all have hurdles that we need to overcome if we want to live life to the fullest and have meaningful relationships with friends–and ourselves!

If you’re ready to write a new chapter in the story of your life, we are here waiting for you. What’s holding you back? Schedule your JVZ photo shoot today and begin taking steps into your new life!