Just as You Are

10 Jan Just as You Are

“But the thing is, um, what I’m trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, um, in fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you, very much.Just as you are.”
–Mark Darcy “Bridget Jones Diary”
I know I’m not alone when this moment at the end of Bridget Jones Diary struck a chord inside me. To be loved, however overweight, however poor at public speaking, however much of a hot mess you are, to be truly loved just as you are is nothing short of a miracle. It was the climatic ending that we all wanted for Bridget and it brought us all to tears. It made us look at our men and say “why can’t you love me like THAT?” Isn’t that what women have been saying for decades? For centuries? Most people are aware that Bridget Jones is a modern Elizabeth Bennett in Pride and Prejudice. One of the most beloved books and stories of all time and was published 201 years ago in 1813. All that time (and I’d argue longer) women have been begging to be loved for as they are RIGHT NOW. Not how they will be tomorrow, or next week, or next year or 5lbs, a pair of high heels, some sexy underwear, a marriage, 2 kids and plastic surgery from now.

We stack on the makeup, the hair spray, the tanning lotion or the fake tanning spray and we say we’re doing it for ourselves. Who are we really doing it for? For men? For other women? For society as a whole?

I went to Belize a year ago for the very first time and while I was there the first or second day I washed my hair after swimming in the Caribbean Sea. Then I tried to dry it. Guess what happened? It dried, for sure, and was big enough for a family of great blue herons to nest in. Humidity does that to hair…something all women know. So that was the last time I dried my hair while I was there. And it stopped me from even thinking about putting makeup on…..what’s the point? It’s just going to melt off my face either from the humidity or the sweat, or the swimming in the sea, or the dancing, or the hiking in the jungle, or the sex I was having or some other reason. And for 17 days I gave it all up. I actually packed it back in my suitcase. I did all of those things and more and as a result every moment of that trip was magic. Every. Single. Second. Not just one day, not one moment. Every one of them. It was like when you receive a huge promotion at work and that feeling that you get for a few minutes/hours maybe a few days…..it lasted for 17 days for me. Every moment was a favorite moment. I have 16 gigs of photos to prove it.

When I got home, I wanted to hold onto all of it. I never wanted that feeling to leave me. I wanted to constantly feel like the world was full of beauty and magic and my crazy curly hair and semi broken out skin was gorgeous all the time. I wanted to hold onto that glow. And I did. I got home and gave up my hair dryer and curling iron and makeup for about 6 months. During this period my husband found me gloriously beautiful every day. How do I know? He said it. Not because he was always trying to get in my pants but because while I was sitting on the couch reading in my jammies, he’d say “you’re so beautiful…..just like that.” Just as I was. We’d been together 12 years and I was hearing that from him for the first time almost every day. Has he said it before? Sure…but not that frequent. My heart was soaring. I had won the lottery all women have been searching for since Jane Austen boldly said it aloud 201 years ago.

Aside from that I went from spending 60-75 minutes to get ready to leave down to about 20-30. For busy women, if that isn’t glorious, I don’t know what is.Ironically, I started wearing makeup again when I went to a trip in LA to learn how to let go of my job and live in my heart. But even when I did then, and do now….I wear less. SO much less.
THENNOWMoisturizerConcealerFoundationPowderBronzerBase eye shadowShading eye shadowHighlighting eye shadowEyeliner both on top and on bottomMascaraBlushChap stickLip GlossMoisturizerPowderBlushBase eye shadowMascaraChap stick

This is the first time I’ve made and looked at this list, and it’s amazing for me. Less than half! That’s crazy!

Here’s my point: I love myself, just as I am. It’s amazing and wonderful that my husband does too, but I love myself now, today, in the skin I’m in. It’s not perfect, I am not a super model by any means. I’m 20ish pounds overweight, I have stretch marks from boob to vagina. I am Seattle pale and fine with it. My face breaks out just like yours and Cindy Crawford and Lady Gaga. I own a few pairs of jeans that rock my ass like you wouldn’t believe, some tank top`s that always show too much cleavage and I’m down from 60 pairs of shoes to about 20. I dress for myself. This is the body I was given and I can bitch and moan about it not being good enough or I can accept it, flaunt it and rock my husband’s world with it (all of which I do). I do not wait for someone to tell me I am beautiful, but I thank them and my heart jumps when they do. I self-regulate just like you do, and am aware if and when I have muffin top, ass crack, or too much boob hanging out. I know when my hair is greasy and needs washed and that my face is breaking out because I didn’t take care of it 2 days ago like I should’ve.

But it’s all me, just as it is. And you better believe I have photos of it all and its beautiful!

Twenty pounds from now could be in a month, could be 6 months it could be never, and heaven forbid it could be more. I know as you were reading that sentence initially you’re thinking “lose 20 lbs” is what I meant, and it is, but the truth is it could mean gain.

I used to spend a lot of time worrying and planning for the future and said things like “Oh I’ll do that later”. What that really means is it’s not important to me right now. And for most women what that usually means is “this other thing is more important for my family that I love and I should do it first.” Because more than anything, women are givers. We give life for crying in the night! It only makes sense that we’d put off anything that was just for us to do something for someone else first. What I want to know is why you aren’t important enough for you right now? How does that make you better for others? If you believe you’re not good enough to spend time or money on you right now, how in the world are you good enough to spend it on someone else?

Everyone has something that acts as a catalyst for change in their lives. Sometimes it’s an event, or a string of events, like it was for me, sometimes it’s a person, sometimes it’s an experience, a place, a book or a movie they’ve seen. We encounter these things every day and very rarely are any of them “life changing”. But when they are, and especially when they are, why aren’t we doing them?

If I told you I had an experience for you that would make that 5lbs disappear, that would clear up your skin, that would fill you with light and love and beauty, would you do it? Adding to that, what if that thing is tangible, and in your hand and every time you hold it or look at it you feel that feeling? What is that worth to you? Is it worth more if it will last forever? I think so.

You’d buy it right? You’d almost be crazy not to? I would.