Taking Care of ME

14 Aug Taking Care of ME

Boudoir photography was the last thing on my mind when I saw a post on my Facebook page one spring day in 2016.

Actually, there wasn’t a whole lot of things on my mind those days except a horrible disease that my husband was diagnosed with back in December 2015. It came completely out of the blue 2 days after Christmas. A few weeks prior we danced like teenagers at my office Christmas Party, we shopped in the days that followed and had a blast with our families during the holidays.

New Years Eve, my husband was on dialysis fighting a horrible disease that destroyed half his kidneys in a matter of days and would continue to his heart and brain if not stopped.

We rode a roller coaster of life, death, anger, injustice and every emotion you could think of. During some of the rough times I went without sleep for 30+ hours at a time. They were able to release him after a two month stay at the UW Medical Center. This disease is not completely out of our lives and has changed everything for us as a family from now on. Which brings me back the present. 

I saw the Jezebel VonZephyr Photography’s post and my eyes were immediately attracted to the beauty of the images. Not the typical showing off of “my plastic surgeons work” poses and pictures.What I saw was true feminine beauty in all shapes in sizes, colors and most of all age. They say age is just a number, but so is the information on scale, your bank account and the clock on the wall. The numbers matter when they’re not in your favor, as I currently felt in regard to my age and of course, time. I looked at the ad again. Confident women, radiant and glowing a way I used to feel. At that time I felt so far from that person. I was just about ready to click on the link. Then the voices started. The guilty voice started in with “My husband is sick and I don’t have time for such folly “.  My mean self would join in and say, “Hey, aren’t you going to be 50 soon? “You haven’t really trained in 5 months !” I shook it off and I clicked on the link anyway.  I am so glad I did. 

I wasn’t just taken to a world of pictures of beautiful women. It was also a place of beautiful and empowering stories.  Seeing their faces was like a Hall of Goddesses  and their stories a testament of  courage. I knew I wanted to leave my mark as well.   I too wanted to tell my story of vulnerability, strength and redemption with a great team of women whose mission was to help women do just that. First off, let me tell you I am makeup and fashion challenged. Meaning I have three basic tools for my daily look. Blush,  eyeliner and mascara. Simple is best because I have no idea how to apply or blend. Clothes are another story all together.  Not only was I blind to my own canvas and how to paint it. I was so drained from my husband’s health issues. All I saw was gray. I didn’t know what felt good. I didn’t know what looked good. If this is you, let your heart not be troubled. The owner and photographer, Sara James Williams had a one on one with me 2 weeks prior to my appointment to discuss wardrobe selection. She made me feel at ease and got to know me. She suggested some themes and helped me create some of my own based on who I was.  This came in so handy during our shoot because I felt like an extended version of myself, rather than disconnected. She even asked about my favorite type of music, which she used during the photo session.

Which is also the same approach when it came to my hair and makeup. The day of my shoot, I had the pleasure of meeting and working with Makenzie, one of the studio’s hair and make-up artists at the time. We spoke about the kind of look I was going for. With great expertise she looked at my clothes with her discerning artists eyes and created the color combination needed to give me the “wow” factor . My hair. My hair, my hair, my hair. As a child growing up, I was called Cousin IT. Remember that character from the Adams family? My hair was so wild and uncontrollable I was a part of “IT”, not the other way around. My mom, being  Japanese had no idea how to deal with a mixed child’s hair. Once again turning to the Adam’s Family for ideas. I was given two braids like Wednesday Adams. This was my signature look from 1st grade to 6th grade. When Makenzie asked “How I wanted my hair.” With my lack of style and frame of reference. All I could give for a reference was Kim Kardashian.  Not expecting any miracles mind you. When I turned around and saw my finished face and hair I couldn’t believe it. I had just crossed the threshold and felt restored. My hair not only looked normal, it was gorgeous.  But, the warm and fuzzies didn’t stop there. It was now show time. Sara guided me through poses and she set up my outfits in order so there was nothing for me to do, but to dress up and strut. Strut I did. How can you not at that point? I was in my element thanks to these ladies. My outfits and finished look were a  collaboration of an artist’s eye mixed with my essence. The studio was filled with my favorite type of music and I was ready to ROCK IT. Every now and then Sara showed me how I looked through the camera lens. Her gift for putting her clients at ease and unlocking your authentic self was self evident to me that day.  After the completion of our session she set up the reveal and I returned for more Goddess treatment. Upon  two weeks later, I was treated to a  viewing of a custom made DVD of my special day. There I was, vibrant and full of life as my favorite music played along as my photos showed me a woman almost forgotten.  I saw myself as someone strong yet there was softness there. Someone that finally decided to leave the battle field for a while and renew my soul at the water’s edge. Sometimes in life, we can’t completely stop being a Warrior, but we can dance like a Goddess when we allow ourselves to celebrate our victories, no matter how small. It takes the nurturing of both these types of women in us to stay whole, authentic and complete. Thank you again for reuniting my two halves.